Presented without commentary

A year ago, probably bored out of my skull at work, I wrote myself an email using futureme.org. It arrived in my inbox this morning.

...I'm writing this from my desk in the Diversity Office, and I'm entering an uncertain phase in my life. Ryan moved to LA a week ago, and since then I've been filling the time: learning Japanese again, transcribing interviews for the historical society, copy editing for Hyphen, watching Sex and the City, reading Anais Nin, writing in my journal, attempting to hammer out a short story. And of course driving myself crazy trying to decide whether to go on JET or not, whether to move to LA in January, etc, etc, as if I can even make these decisions right now. I think I just want to be imagining something other than this cubicle, but I am happy now, even if I constantly want to be moving on to the next thing. I hope by 2010 you've learned to breathe and take things as they come. It is not a skill I have at this point in time.

I hope you and Ryan are still doing okay with this long-distance thing (assuming it is still long-distance). That's what really kills me—I can wait to know about JET, and my career and all that, but knowing that I'm taking a risk on what I have with him by possibly leaving for Japan for a year makes me question whether it's worth it. This is something I've always wanted to do, but right now, I just wanna live with him and come home to him every day.

I hope all these concerns seem silly to you as you read this, that you've long since worked out everything you need to worry about. That's why I'm really looking forward to being you—even in the worst case scenario, by July 2010, everything will be certain. In fact, if I think about it, the only situation where things will still be uncertain when you get this email is the one I want the most. If you're going on JET right now and still with Ryan, you're probably scared to death about what will happen. I hope Japan is worth prolonging that anxiety and uncertainty for another year. I think it is.

It is, Past Me, it is.