Presented without commentary

A year ago, probably bored out of my skull at work, I wrote myself an email using futureme.org. It arrived in my inbox this morning.

...I'm writing this from my desk in the Diversity Office, and I'm entering an uncertain phase in my life. Ryan moved to LA a week ago, and since then I've been filling the time: learning Japanese again, transcribing interviews for the historical society, copy editing for Hyphen, watching Sex and the City, reading Anais Nin, writing in my journal, attempting to hammer out a short story. And of course driving myself crazy trying to decide whether to go on JET or not, whether to move to LA in January, etc, etc, as if I can even make these decisions right now. I think I just want to be imagining something other than this cubicle, but I am happy now, even if I constantly want to be moving on to the next thing. I hope by 2010 you've learned to breathe and take things as they come. It is not a skill I have at this point in time.

I hope you and Ryan are still doing okay with this long-distance thing (assuming it is still long-distance). That's what really kills me—I can wait to know about JET, and my career and all that, but knowing that I'm taking a risk on what I have with him by possibly leaving for Japan for a year makes me question whether it's worth it. This is something I've always wanted to do, but right now, I just wanna live with him and come home to him every day.

I hope all these concerns seem silly to you as you read this, that you've long since worked out everything you need to worry about. That's why I'm really looking forward to being you—even in the worst case scenario, by July 2010, everything will be certain. In fact, if I think about it, the only situation where things will still be uncertain when you get this email is the one I want the most. If you're going on JET right now and still with Ryan, you're probably scared to death about what will happen. I hope Japan is worth prolonging that anxiety and uncertainty for another year. I think it is.

It is, Past Me, it is. 

JAPAN JAPAN JAPAN

A little over a year ago I was browsing Facebook and came across a photo album by an acquaintance from high school who I never talk to. His younger brother was leaving on study abroad for Japan, and there were pictures from goodbye parties and airport photos, and I suddenly realized that every single time I heard about someone leaving on study abroad--but especially if it was a Japanese American friend going to Japan--I felt incredibly, incredibly jealous. I'm a little embarrassed that instead of having a more positive reason, I basically decided to go to Japan for fear of feeling this way every time someone mentioned going abroad for the rest of my life, but that was when I started looking into study abroad options. When it turned out that the Japanese programs didn't work very well with my major and minor, I found out about JET, waited, applied, and a year later here I am.

(Pro tip for those applying next year: You will have a story like this too. Don't put that crap in your application essay because no one at the embassy gives a shit. Save it for a blog post when you get in so your friends and family can act like they care.)

So most of you know by now that I've been accepted to the JET (Japan Exchange and Teaching) Program and am going to Japan on July 25, in a little under three months. I don't know yet where I am going, what grade level I'll be teaching, whether I'll be driving or what my housing will be like (though I know I'll live alone). I do know that my airfare to Japan will be paid by JET, that I'll spend three days at orientation in Tokyo before traveling by bus, train or plane to my future home, and that I'm going to meet some fucking awesome people who went through every step of this crazy process with me in person for the first time. I also know what my pay will be, and let me tell you I am less stressed now than I have been since I was laid off from my office job while still in school.

I'll remain Hella Angeleno in spirit, but I'll have to think of a new name for my blog while I'm in Japan. I seriously considered "Not a White Guy in Japan," but I think that may have seemed like a much better idea after three beers.